What Your Grad Program Didn't Tell You About School Counseling

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to the School for School Counselors Podcast. 

[00:00:03] Before we get started today. I just want to give a shout out to some of the wonderful, amazing folks who have been leaving some reviews for our podcast. Y'all, I have to tell you- it was after a lot of soul searching that I decided to embark on this adventure. My inner circle at School for School Counselors had been encouraging me to start this for, gosh- a year, a year and a half- and I just kept resisting and just kept putting it off. I wasn't sure I was quite ready for it yet. And when we launched the podcast, I thought that I was going to come apart and your reviews, your ratings have been so kind. And I can't thank you enough for taking time out of your life out of your day to stop and leave such wonderful words. So I want to recognize a few of our most recent reviews. This one comes from JBF417. So JBF417, thank you for taking the time to leave this. It's titled "Praise!" 

[00:01:15] "I could not love this more. I'm in my 15th year of school counseling and everything that you talk about is so true. I like how you point out the issues in school counseling, but also advocate for change. This podcast has helped inspire me for the upcoming school year. I can't wait to hear the Best Year Ever workshop." 

[00:01:36] So, oh my gosh, JBF417, you absolutely made my day. When you left that review, you have no idea how that lifted me and my team with your super kind words. And I'm here to tell you I can't wait for best year ever either. You guys know this is one of my most favorite things that we do all year long. And if you are listening to this podcast, the day that it comes out, we're starting this evening with best year ever. So if you want information on that, go to schoolforschoolcounselors.com/bestyearever, and if you're listening to this after the fact, there's a replay package that's available. It's not expensive. Y'all, we're not trying to make money off this. We're just trying to make enough to keep it solvent. So, go check it out. All the information will be right there for you. Thanks again, JBF417, for that wonderful review. 

[00:02:29] This one comes from sweetcaroline22. They say, 

[00:02:34] "Stephanie has a magical ability to balance being knowledgeable and wise while being relatable. While I love walking and working out while listening to podcasts, this title is so cozy, I see myself unwinding with a cup of tea basking in the warm glow of feeling deeply understood and seen. Love this and excited for even more. It takes everything I love about our School for School Counselors and distills it into exquisite little segments of wisdom and insight to allow you to mull, to motivate and inspire your exhausted counseling soul. Sheer perfection."

[00:03:17] Oh, my gosh. sweetcaroline22! That review was sheer perfection. Oh my gosh. 

[00:03:25] Just incredible to get feedback like that. So thank you very much. And I'll tell you guys, I didn't read that review as a pat on the back to myself. Far from it. What I love about it is it captures the whole vibe that we've been trying to build with this podcast from the very beginning, which is- what would we talk about if we were just sitting at the table over a cup of tea? 

[00:03:51] What do friends and colleagues talk about? How can we be real with each other and still be encouraging? And that's been the goal from the very beginning of this. So thank you so much for recognizing that. You have no idea what that review means to me. 

[00:04:08] So everybody, I'm telling you- these ratings and reviews mean so much- and more than even what you say is the fact that you just take 15 or 20 seconds out of your day to write down what's going on in the podcast. Not to pat me on the back or any of my team, but to let other people know that you found a community here and that you feel like you're being seen. That is 1000% the point. And I so appreciate all the time that you take to submit these. 

[00:04:40] So, thanks again to everybody. 

[00:04:43] Now, episode eight. And today, we're going to be talking about all the little things that they forget to tell you as you began your school counseling career journey. You know, we used to have a tagline in our school for school counselors group: Everything that grad school never taught you. And it's so true. There are so many things that as a new school counselor, everyone forgets to tell you. 

[00:05:12] And when we conceptualize what our careers are going to look like in schools, they're often very idealized. You're taught what the perfect model programs look like. You have expectations about what's going to happen when you start working on campus, and then you get there and you realize it might not be exactly the way they told you, right? 

[00:05:39] So we're here to kind of tackle those myths head on, so you don't feel like you get blindsided once you start working. 

[00:05:47] You can walk in feeling prepared, feeling confident, and like, you can expect some of these curve balls headed your way. 

[00:05:58] So one of the biggest things that I often talk with new school counselors about is that as brand new school counselors embark on their journeys, you are so excited. You're so amped up and ready to take on the world. 

[00:06:14] And I get it because I was there, too. 

[00:06:17] I remember the summer before my first school counseling job, making tons of plans and lesson plans and curriculum plans and scheduling things. 

[00:06:28] And I had it all aligned to the ratios that were recommended. I was ready to go when the school year started. 

[00:06:38] And then I got into school and I kept hearing things like this. "Oh, yeah. We forgot to tell you, we need you to do this thing," or, "Oh, we forgot to mention in your interview, you gotta do that thing, too." And as the first few weeks went on, I kept hearing more and more of these extra responsibilities that were headed my way. 

[00:07:02] When I finally had the chance to stop and assess, I realized that all of the planning, all of the scheming, all of the ideas that I had about how my program was going to work were going to have to be thrown out the window. There was absolutely no way to cram all of that into the time that I was given with all of these other jobs that I had been assigned. 

[00:07:29] I want to say two things about that. 

[00:07:32] Number one, we're often called to do things that aren't technically "supposed" to be our jobs. If you could see me talking right now, you'd see those air quotes. When I say not "supposed" to be our jobs. 

[00:07:48] The real truth of the matter is we're paid to follow directions and we are employed by our schools or our school districts to follow directions and execute what they require. So kind of take your ideology with a grain of salt and know that you may not get there instantaneously- and that's okay. 

[00:08:13] We always want to be striving toward building comprehensive programs. We always want to be striving toward serving students to our utmost. And we know that our national model helps guide us that direction. But we also know that we're not in charge of making those decisions. Right? Again, we're paid to follow directions. 

[00:08:39] So that's first. You kind of have to keep that kernel of truth in the back of your mind as you're dreaming, as you're, um, imagining what your program is going to look like for the year. Be prepared for a little bit of reality to come into play. And you're going to be able to make it work. But it's probably also not going to be exactly the way that you imagine it. 

[00:09:05] With that comes my second point. 

[00:09:09] In supervising and mentoring new school counselors, I have learned that there is often a period of grieving that happens as we begin our careers. And again, this is attached to that idealism that we walk in with. 

[00:09:29] At our core, we are helpers. We want to ignite positive change for students. We want to set the world on fire and make great changes and be able to serve students through true comprehensive school counseling programs. We all want that.

[00:09:50] And I mean, let's face it. We didn't sign up to be school counselors for the fame and the fortune, right? That doesn't exist in our field. But what we do want, which is even better than being famous or being rich, is knowing that we've had an impact in a student's life: a positive, wonderful, perhaps life changing impact. Man, just talking about that makes me light up from ear to ear.

[00:10:20] So as we walk in with this idealism and we walk in with the things that we know we want to accomplish for students, and we confront this reality of our positions, where we may be asked to do lots of secretarial work. We may be asked to step into classrooms. Heck, some of you are being treated as classroom teachers. You're scheduled into rotations and those kinds of things. So as you confront those realities of your job, It is common to go through a period of grieving the career that you thought you were stepping into. 

[00:10:59] So if you confront these things, you need to know it's not just you and , you're not by yourself. You're not alone. There are lots and lots of us who have either experienced that or are in the middle of it. And you've got to make sure that you have a great circle of support around you somehow, to help guide you, to help remind you of your purpose and why you chose to pursue the school counseling path. We also need to have some more experienced mentors in our corner who can really give us the no nonsense, realistic talk that we need to hear as we're getting started. That will make all the difference as you navigate those conflicting feelings. 

[00:11:53] Secondly, as you're getting started, it's important to remember that you don't need to feel responsible for ALL THE THINGS RIGHT NOW.  What I mean by that is this- Again, we are trained in the ideal style of school counseling programs. And while that is helpful, it gives us a great goal to shoot toward, I think in a lot of ways it's really harmful that we aren't exposed to more of the day-to-day realities of the work. It's almost like you start working on a campus and you feel like you get punched in the face over and over again, and they just keep coming out of nowhere, right? And you feel like you have to fight your way through that. 

[00:12:42] That's normal. I think most of us experience that. But as you're going through the adjustment process, we often feel like we're responsible for implementing all the things that we've learned about and read about and discussed, all at once. 

[00:13:02] So often I see new school counselors walking into their new positions, and the first questions that they're asking are, you know, "What do I ask in a needs assessment? What do I ask in a minute meeting? What kinds of data do I need to be collecting? When can I start small groups? How should I schedule this entire campus of 650 kids?" Whatever it is, the list goes on and on and on. 

[00:13:27] And if you watch, you can see this happen in social media. You can see that how we sort of start to whip ourselves up into a frenzy beginning in early July, and it really peaks about mid to late August, where everyone is just in a dither over all of these components they want to implement. 

[00:13:48] Social media is a great place to get ideas, but it also contributes to the feeling that you should be doing all the things, all the time. 

[00:13:58] We read all of these things or we hear these things and we internalize what we feel like are the expectations for us as well. 

[00:14:07] We sure don't want to get left behind. We don't want to be the "loser counselor" that hasn't done ALL THE THINGS. And so we begin to make all of these plans for implementing every single thing. 

[00:14:22] So listen friends, I'm just gonna lay it down for you. And there are going to be some people who may not agree with me on this, but I stand by it 1000%. 

[00:14:32] When you walk onto a new campus for the first time as a school counselor. As hard as it is, 'because I know you want to jump in with both feet and get going- I know I've been there, the best thing that you can do is watch and listen. 

[00:14:53] That's the absolute best approach on a campus that is new to you. Watching, listening, learning are going to be so important to what you're doing. Not only in alleviating your level of stress, but it's going to go a long way in your advocacy efforts with your administrators. If you do this right. It's really going to build a lot of respect for you and for your program. 

[00:15:30] And I know that seems counterintuitive, right?

[00:15:34] How can I build respect if I'm not, you know, grinding away all day long, just, you know, really giving it a thousand percent. I'm not saying that you're not working hard. But what I am saying is you need to focus your efforts on the right places. 

[00:15:53] My last thought in this episode Is something that many of you are perhaps going to get your feathers ruffled over, but I'm here to tell you, I think it's a terrible idea, and I see 99% of school counselors doing this thing. What is it? They're posting these cute little signs in their office that say, "What you say in here stays in here unless you want to hurt yourself, you want to hurt someone else, or someone is hurting you." Have you guys seen those? They're all over the place. Right. And as you were looking for materials and supplies for your new school counseling, Office. It is inevitable that you're going to run across those. Here's the problem with those signs. 

[00:16:44] They are an absolute freaking lie. If you want to build rapport with your students, if you want to build trusting, caring relationships, take that crap out of your office right now, walk outside and throw it in the dumpster. 

[00:17:01] Here's why. There's a little thing called FERPA: you might've heard of it. It is federal. It's educational rights and privacy and what it says is that parents have access to students' educational records. Well, some of you are now thinking, well, that's all fine and dandy, but I don't write any of this stuff down about these kids. That's not subject to FERPA- I don't have to tell their parents anything. 

[00:17:28] Number one, you might. Don't rest on your laurels about that one. there are many circumstances with things that you will be required to disclose to parents upon request that you never realized. Even ASCA reminds us that if we have any identifying information about a student, even if their name has been coded, even if they're only identified by physical descriptors, or some sort of pseudonym or whatever it is, that's still subject to FERPA. You still have to disclose that information to parents, should they request it. 

[00:18:06] Remember that parents are responsible for their children until they are legal adults. If it ever came down to brass tacks one day and a parent made a formal request, or you were subpoenaed, and you have to turn that information over- that automatically negates that cute little sign that you have in your office. you've made a liar out of yourself. And personally, my integrity is worth way more to me than the opportunity to put out a cute little sign. And so you will not find those in my office. I had one for a couple of years when I first started school counseling, and then the more I read and studied and learned about my professional path and the kind of counselor I wanted to be, I got rid of those suckers and I have never, ever looked back. 

[00:19:02] Get rid of that thing. Please just burn it and- Hey, send me a picture of that, would you? Like, shred it, throw it in the dumpster, set it on fire [safely, of course] but get rid of that thing in the most spectacular way. And please send me a picture or a video because it would have absolutely make my day. 

[00:19:22] Ah, man, I just, I hate those signs so much. I hate them. 

[00:19:28] So those were three thoughts for you as you begin your school counseling career, some definite things to keep in mind. The first, that you're going to have an adjustment period. As you walk into this new career, you may perhaps even go through a grieving period and that's okay. 

[00:19:47] Make sure you've got some good folks around you. Make sure you've got some people with their heads on straight that have been there, done that, that can really talk you through it. And if you don't have a community like that, I know where you can find one. I'll tell you all about it. 

[00:20:02] Second, remember that you don't have to do all the things right away. Pace yourself. 

[00:20:09] This should be a marathon, right? Not a sprint. You don't have to wear yourself out from the starting line, trying to do all the things, or trying to live up to these unrealistic expectations that social media has created for you. Just don't give into the hype. Don't do it. 

[00:20:26] Conserve your energy. 

[00:20:28] Conserve your mental bandwidth and just watch, listen, and learn.

[00:20:34] And third, get rid of that sign in your office. I'm sure it's adorable, but just get rid of it. Your integrity is much more important. You want to be real and honest with kids. And you don't ever want to give them a false impression of security. It's not ethical. 

[00:20:53] All right. Well, I hope this episode has been helpful to you. I'm always trying to bring some points of view to you that aren't necessarily mainstream. I want to challenge your thinking a little bit. We want to challenge the status quo because that's what makes us all better. And as you reflect and think about these things, you'll choose what's right for you and what feels best to you. And that's exactly what I want to happen. 

[00:21:19] Be very mindful about what you're doing and not do things just to go along with the crowd. We can go our own way and we can do our own thing to create better programs and better outcomes for students. 

[00:21:31] It's perfectly fine. 

[00:21:34] So remember that community around you: if you don't have one yet- I know you guys hear me talk about this all the time, but our School for School Counselors Mastermind is a phenomenal group of school counselors, and we have lots of experienced folks in there who are willing to walk through things with you, who are willing to give you some constructive criticism, who love to give real world feedback and can do so in a way that you can walk away feeling empowered and not like you've been beaten down. They're just an amazing group of folks. I have no idea how I got lucky enough to amass such a phenomenal group of human beings all in one place, but there they are. And they show up every single week for consultation, for support, and it's just an amazing, amazing time. So if you need a community around you like that, please check us out: schoolforschoolcounselors.com/mastermind. We would love, love, love to have you come join us because we truly believe that we are stronger- and smarter!- together. And we would love to have you on our team. 

[00:22:47] All right. That's all I have for you for this episode. I hope that gave you some food for thought. And some different things to think about. As always, we're here to support you. Holler at us if you need anything: you can find us in our Facebook group, School for School Counselors. And until I talk to you next week, I hope you have the best days ahead. 

[00:23:09] Y'all take care. ❤️