What to Do When You Feel Like a Terrible School Counselor

[00:00:00] Hello everybody, and welcome back to the School for School Counselors Podcast. This is episode five: What to Do When You Feel Like a Terrible School Counselor.

[00:00:10] I'd like to talk a little bit today about the way that you see yourself in your school counseling world. There's a lot of competition out there, and it's not competition between school counselors. It's the competition you have in your MIND, between the reality of your campus counseling program with the perception of where you think you should be: what you think your program should look like? And our Insta worthy culture right now, you can filter your photographs online. You can filter your videos and it seems like we're living in a time where everybody filters just about everything. Everybody's only telling the best stories that they have to tell, and as a result, we tend to mostly see the airbrushed versions of reality. 

[00:01:00] School counseling, my friends, is not a lot different. When you look at all the Facebook feeds, the Instagram feeds, the YouTube channels, the Tik Toks, all of the things... there's one very clear sort of commonality between all of them. And that is the depiction of some level of the ideal. And most of us, we don't work in that ideal. We don't work in the perfect world scenarios. We're working in very real, down to earth, messy situations on crazy- feeling campuses. We sometimes don't even feel like we have a HOPE of attaining that ideal, right? It just seems so far away. 

[00:01:47] And when we get in school counseling, we typically start with the belief that everyone is running purely comprehensive school counseling programs. That there is just no other possible or viable option. 

[00:02:01] If you attended a grad program that really focused on the school side of counseling, number one- count yourself lucky- but number two, you probably had this belief: that the best school counselors on the planet are running these types of programs. And then our own organizations back up these ideas with awards and recognition for things like RAMP status, National School Counselor of the Year, state School Counselor of the Year, so on and so forth. 

[00:02:35] The bad news is: we tend to be overachievers by nature just because of what it takes to even get qualified to do this job, right? People that aren't driven don't go down career paths that require master's degrees and all the papers in the classes and the exams that school counseling requires, not to mention all the extra stuff you've got to do if you want to get your clinical licensure. So it makes sense that the majority of the school counselors that I've talked to have expressed a desire- and sometimes they keep it hidden because they feel like they're never going to get there- but they have a desire to be recognized for running what is considered to be an amazing school counseling program. 

[00:03:21] They want to be a School Counselor of the Year. They want to achieve elevated program status. Not for themselves! They want to achieve it for their students. 

[00:03:35] So imagine with me. You have dreams of achieving an Olympic gold medal in track. You spend years and thousands of hours training, practicing, learning how to be the best version of a track star that you could possibly be. You endure hours and days and weeks and years of meets and tryouts to try to gain a spot on the Olympic team. And finally, you're one of the chosen few. When the big moment arrives, you fly halfway around the world to some wonderful, exotic location to compete in the Olympics. It's glorious, y'all. The opening ceremonies: they are a dream come true. They've got pageantry. You're meeting athletes from all over the world. The accommodations are wonderful. You've got all your gear ready, your new Olympic track suit, your running shoes. Everything's ready to go. 

[00:04:37] So when the day of the race arrives, you get to the track only to discover that it isn't actually a track. It's a quicksand pit. And no one told you that you would be competing in quicksand. You didn't train that way. You don't even know how to move in quicksand. But you have to try anyway. Because you've been tasked to do this job and you feel like the entire country is counting on you. 

[00:05:05] After all, y'all, you've trained years for this opportunity. So during your event, you began. Running, just like you were taught and you quickly find yourself drowning in the quicksand, wondering why you ever agreed to attempt it in the first place. Y'all that's how a lot of school counselors feel when they start their journey with an ideal school counseling program in mind. 

[00:05:31] It's great to have goals and a vision for change because we know we need those in schools and it would be wonderful if everybody had the circumstances to be able to pursue a RAMP program, but it's also important to keep things in perspective. If you're serving 600, 700 even a thousand students on your own caseload- and y'all, that's not unusual, we meet them all the time in our School for School Counselors Facebook group- the odds are not very high that you're going to achieve your perfect program goals, and there are tons of things that are going to affect your ability to adhere to that model. There are very few mandates that require school districts to ensure that school counselors have the resources and have the tools to be able to even do their jobs. 

[00:06:29] For example, there are very few states that require mandated ratios. But even for the ones that do, the ratios are often set at one to 400, or even one to 500. 

[00:06:45] So just like we, as athletes, encountered a quick sand pit instead of a track, school counselors are walking into schools every day, being given ineffective and incomplete systems to work with. And they start to feel as though they're not meeting the standard. 

[00:07:03] So. Pause for a minute and let me make something very, very clear. I am not mean mouthing anybody. All right. The goal and the work required to get to the point where everybody can run true comprehensive counseling programs is monumental. It is a monumental amount of work to get us to that point. And our national and state organizations are, I am sure, working as hard as they can to get us to that finish line. But in the meantime, we've got to keep things in perspective, because if we don't, we're going to be at the risk of burning out or feeling like a failure, and that is absolutely not what I want for you after working so hard to get to where you are. 

[00:07:55] When you look at school counseling in your social media feeds, you typically see "what should you do?" content. Folks are out there telling you the best way to do this, or the best way to do that. And the majority of that information is communicated within the appearance of that ideal program. 

[00:08:14] Most of the "influencers" -you'd see my air quotes if you could watch me talk right now- most of the "influencers" that you see in the school counseling world have much smaller case loads than you probably have, and that's not a bad thing. That's great for their students. But it skews the perception of our work for those on campuses that aren't quite as supportive of our programs yet. 

[00:08:42] So, what do we need to do? We need to keep things real in our hearts and our minds. We need to be really careful to acknowledge that when we see all of the videos and the pictures and the Tik Tok videos, we're seeing airbrushed filtered versions of reality, typically. We have to be vigilant and not allow those to make us feel bad about ourselves because we really have very little control over our circumstances. All right? 

[00:09:16] The original title of this episode was actually going to be, "Look How Fat I Am!" and there's a reason for that. It's because you rarely see people stand up or jump up online and make proclamations, like, you know, "Look! I've gained 20 pounds in the last two months!" "Hey, look, my hairline's receded a whole inch since Christmas!"

[00:09:39] Right? We don't brag about those kinds of things. That's real life, and they're things that really happen, but you don't typically see people bragging about that. You see people coming front and center when they feel like they have something that's desirable, right? Something better or something that the rest of us wish we could have. 

[00:10:00] " I just lost 20 pounds with this amazing supplement!" or, "I regrew my hair in 24 hours with this super shampoo!" Those kinds of things. A counseling comparison would be, "Look at my 1:250 caseload!" "Here's my office that isn't a closet!" "Look, here's a picture of me meeting with my advisory panel because I have the time to steer it."

[00:10:25] And not dogging anybody for that kind of stuff, but it's just so not reality for so many of you. And I just really feel like it's super important to acknowledge that, and to remember that it's not healthy to try to keep up appearances or feel like we have to keep up with the Joneses just to prove that we're a great school counselor. 

[00:10:50] Y'all our work is hard. It's dirty. We hear the worst that there is to hear on our campuses. And we are often forced to hold that information in our hearts and just handle it in our minds and keep it confidential. We don't disclose things to people. We are an island unto ourselves in a lot of ways, and y'all, that's heavy work. 

[00:11:15] That's really, really heavy work. So expecting yourself to attain these ideals without the infrastructure underneath them to support them is just more weight on your shoulders, and it doesn't need to be there if your setting isn't supportive. 

[00:11:34] You are a hero to your students. You are a rockstar to the kids that come up and hug you every morning, you know who they are! You know there are students watching you and listening to your every word because sometimes on a really good day, they show up out of the blue with a note or a picture, right? And it just blows your mind: it may be maybe brings a tear to your eye. 

[00:11:59] You are an amazing servant leader in your school. And I don't want you to think for one second that you're any less than anybody else, just because you can't attain the same standards or achieve the goals that you think you should, and that you wish you could achieve. 

[00:12:19] The important thing is to keep pushing. To keep working hard without burning yourself out. I'm not talking about working yourself to death. But just giving it your all in the best way that you can while you're there. Work and serve, and try to make a difference for students. And work toward positive change, however small your steps feel like they might be. 

[00:12:46] If you can do that, it's a win. You've won and it doesn't matter what anybody else on social media or a publication or a podcast says. You know you've won. 

[00:13:02] I think our time for comprehensive programs will come. I firmly believe that. But in the meantime, as you're striving to advocate for your program, as you are seeking to inspire the changes that you want to see. You've also got to remember what you're doing now. 

[00:13:25] Be in the moment. And appreciate all the things that you're able to accomplish within the framework that you've been given. 

[00:13:36] I personally think every single one of you should be celebrated. I know of very few school counselors who are not absolutely working their guts out , even though they may not have all the resources they need, because they want to catalyze amazing changes and provide awesome support for students. 

[00:14:01] It's in our nature, y'all. That's why we raised our hand to do this job. It's a shame that we can't recognize the small gains as much as we recognize those huge achievements. But that's where we can really rely on some good consultation, some good support, to help motivate us and get us through. Because some days, y'all, it's just about being SEEN, right?

[00:14:26] It's about feeling like your efforts for students aren't going unnoticed, that somebody somewhere in the world sees what you're trying to do, that they've acknowledged that, they can see in your heart and they appreciate your efforts. To talk to people who understand the burdens and the joys of serving as a school counselor. 

[00:14:50] Somebody that understands how badly you want to give students what they need. I want to invite you, if you haven't checked it out already, look into our School for School Counselors Mastermind if you need a little bit of extra support. The Mastermind is a group where school counselors come together and are able to talk about the realities of our jobs. We talk about the real things that we face down every day: our inadequacies, our fears of failure, and our questions like," Am I doing the right thing?" or, "Am I doing enough?" 

[00:15:25] We have some really amazing, heartfelt conversations each and every week in the Mastermind group. And the really great thing about it is, it is intimate and small enough that we know each other. It's not a mega group of tens of thousands of people. It's people that you grow to know. And you grow to trust. And we're going to welcome you with open arms, into a circle of confidence that you can come into any time you need a helping hand or a word of reassurance. Because I want that so much for every single school counselor on the face of the earth. 

[00:16:04] Y'all, School for School Counselors was never built as a side hustle and it will never, ever operate as one. We are working to bring together a group of professionals who want to have a voice in the future of school counseling and who truly believe that they can impact change from the inside out. We genuinely want to back up the efforts of our national and state counseling associations, and we want to bring a different voice to contribute to the richness of that chorus. So those are the folks that have joined us in the Mastermind. It's amazing. If you want to see more about it, because there are so many other perks than just the conversations we have each week, you can go to schoolforschoolcounselors.com/mastermind and check it out. 

[00:16:53] We're also getting ready for our Best Year Ever celebration coming up soon. So if you want to join that, y'all, it's a free event. It's going to be four nights long, not one of these one hour online workshop things. Four full evenings of information, ideas, maybe some things that you didn't know before, and we're going to have lots and lots of resources that we're going to be sending your way as well. It's totally free to sign up. You can get all the information at schoolforschoolcounselors.com/bestyearever. 

[00:17:27] We would love to have you join us. Y'all, it's so fun. 

[00:17:33] So action plan for this week and for the coming school year: Keep perspective about your work. Keep perspective in this airbrushed, super- polished era of school counseling, and really, in life in general. Don't be swayed by it. Don't get sucked in by it and start to feel like you're any lesser than anybody else. 

[00:17:59] Remember that if you're showing up every day, and you're working your heart out for your students, if you're trying your very best to make a difference, then you are enough. You are absolutely enough. So quit comparing yourself to things that you see. , Believe in the power you have to move the needle for students, and rest in the fact that you're doing a great job. I am so honored to have you here with us. And I just want you to know- I think you're amazing. 

[00:18:38] All right, I hope that was helpful to you. I hope that it helped boost you a little bit for the school year coming up because goodness knows we could all use as much as we can get. Until next time, y'all, have the BEST day, and I'll see you next week. Bye-bye.