Renewed Purpose for the Weary School Counselor

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Hello, my friend, welcome back to the School for School Counselors podcast.

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So glad you're back here with me for another episode.

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I'm Steph Johnson, a full-time school counselor, just like you, on a mission and a crusade to make school counseling feel more sustainable, more equitable and more enjoyable, and I'm so glad you're here with me this week for this episode of the podcast.

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You know I've been thinking the past couple of weeks and, man, there's been so much going on End of the year stuff at school.

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State testing is happening.

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Everybody seems to be on edge a little bit more than they have been throughout the rest of the year.

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Are you seeing this on your campus too?

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Tempers are getting shorter.

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People sort of feel like they're getting sick of each other, and I tend at this time of year to really enter a season where I start reflecting on my performance for the year.

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Have I done a good enough job?

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Are there any balls that I've dropped or things that I wish I could have done better with over the school year?

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And I tend to start to live in my head a lot as we wrap up the school year.

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That can be pretty dangerous, right, that can be pretty dangerous.

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In our line of work, we need to make sure that, you know, as we're reflecting and thinking, that we're not allowing those internal thoughts to consume our reality.

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But I think that happens a lot.

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How much time in our day do we spend right planning, anticipating, worrying about what's going to happen, and nine times out of 10, those things never come to pass.

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It's always something different, something we didn't anticipate, that, you know, comes out of left field at us.

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How often does our reality match the things we have going on in our head?

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It's an interesting thought, for sure, and one that I think is worth considering as we're wrapping up our school year.

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We have a culture of easily attaining things.

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In the United States, we have the world's information at our fingertips.

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With the internet, we can watch pretty much anything we want to watch through Netflix or social media.

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We can buy almost anything that we want and have it delivered within two or three days, right?

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There's just this culture of instantaneous satisfaction and sometimes, when we get in that mindset, it's really hard to separate ourselves from that and remember to be patient, remember about what our role is now, why we do what we're doing and why it matters.

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We sort of just get tied up in this thought loop of this is what ASCA says.

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This is what's expected, this is what should be happening.

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Why isn't it happening faster?

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How come it's not there yet?

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Why do these people hate me?

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Why are they keeping me from doing this?

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All these crazy things that we start to think in our jobs and our roles and then we feel dissatisfaction.

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Maybe we start to feel a little bit of what we typically call burnout, those kinds of things, and a lot of that can be the result of things going on in our head.

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It makes me think about like home improvement shows.

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Do you ever watch those shows where they go in and like redecorate somebody's house?

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Or like fixer-upper?

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You know where they go and they completely gut the whole thing and then turn it into this masterpiece of a home.

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I used to love to watch those shows but I found the more I watched them, the more dissatisfied I became with my own home, because I was comparing it against what I was seeing on TV and I knew logically that that's not a reality or a family right, that that's not really how they're living after that show is over.

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There's not a family with, you know, three young children running around amongst all this white furniture and breakable paraphernalia, you know, for decorative purposes in their family room.

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That probably doesn't stay that way much longer after the cameras leave.

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But we kind of get in that mindset of, oh, my home should look like that too.

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That's the standard, that's the expectation, that's the one I need to meet.

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And it really started to get me down about my own home, which you know, I love my house.

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It's really different than a lot of people's, I think.

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Lots of color, lots of pattern and texture in my home, because that's what lights my brain up, that's what makes me happy, that's what feels cozy and personable to me and really I love my home.

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But when I was comparing it against that ideal, it lost a little bit of its luster.

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I had to become really careful about what I was allowing into my thought patterns.

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Does that make sense?

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And then we have the piece of looking into the future.

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Right, as we're reflecting on where we are now, what our current realities are, what's possible for us in our school counseling programs, and then looking out into the future about what we want our program to look like, we can start to develop some anxiety about that.

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We can start to worry.

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If you know, if it doesn't come to happen.

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What happens then?

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What are my roadblocks going to be?

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Who's standing in my way?

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All those things we talked about before, why won't they let me do this?

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A lot of times we find we're thinking about why won't they let me do what I want to do?

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I know what's best.

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How come they're not listening to me and we forget all the other factors that get in the way as we're considering those circumstances.

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We spend so much time worrying about what's coming through in the future that it's a future that doesn't exist yet.

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Right, we get all tied up in that and then we can't see where we are in the moment.

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And I think at this time of the school year, it's super important to let go of the comparisons, to let go of the thinking critically about ourselves, about admonishing ourselves or about blaming other people because we haven't been able to get to this level that we're supposed to be at.

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I don't know that that really exists for school counselors.

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I don't know that it exists for school campuses on a whole, because we are all so diverse.

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We are all so different.

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We have different challenges, we have different makeups of our student bodies, we have different concerns with parenting, we have different curriculums, all the things are different.

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To pigeonhole ourselves into one distinct standard and then feel bad because we can't meet that standard due to factors outside of our control Kind of silly when you think about it.

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Right, we got to be really, really careful as we're thinking through this.

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So what do we do?

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Instead, we've got to be mindful about the work we're doing in the moment.

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That doesn't mean we don't need to be planning.

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It doesn't mean that we don't need to be looking out into the future about the things that we want to achieve, the things we want to attain for our students and the kind of services that we want to provide as support.

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But it does mean we also have to be in the here and now to really be locked into what is really happening.

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What are the circumstances in our current situation?

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If things are preventing us from doing what we want to do, what are those things, instead of just laying this blanket of blame across everything, saying, well, I haven't been able to do it, but it's all their fault and we see that mindset pretty prevalently in social media about this time of year or people saying they just won't let me do my job and I'm just so burnt out.

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I just can't do this anymore.

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Have you seen those?

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And that's unfortunate because we're losing a lot of great people to some things that maybe we could overcome.

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So I'm going to challenge you, as you go through your week this week, to do a couple of things To remain mindful of your purpose and your intent in the moment, to be thoughtful about who is in front of you at that time.

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Who's in front of you?

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Who are you talking to?

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What are you talking about and who is that person really?

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Not just I'm talking to a fourth grade student named whatever, or I'm talking to a teacher, mrs Smith, about this thing, but who is that person really?

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What do you know about them?

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Are you diving into the relationship through your conversation?

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Are you asking questions?

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Are you seeking to understand?

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Are you truly trying to meet them in their reality?

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How are you helping?

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That's another thing to look at.

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What impacts are you making?

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Even if they feel minuscule in the grand scheme of things, you got to take note of them.

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You've got to assess and remind yourself that you are making a difference.

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And when we get in this negative mindset toward the end of the year, it's really easy to just discount those, just brush them away.

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No big deal, nothing to see here, but it is a big deal.

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It is a big deal and if you sit and you flip back through your calendar maybe through your use of time data, whatever it is you'll be shocked at how many things you've done over the course of the year that you never even realized, things you've forgotten about or things that seem small at that time, but then later, as you reflect on them, you realize they're pretty big.

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And then looking at, what can I learn?

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Or what can I do now, in this moment, not future thinking, not thinking about all the things that can't happen or won't happen or they won't, let me do.

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What can you do now?

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What is that small step?

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What is that initiative?

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What's that idea that needs to percolate in your brain before the next school year?

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I think that is true.

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Mindfulness at work that is truly being thoughtful in our craft.

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It is really activating our emotional intelligence.

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And I don't know if you know, but a lot of the research about school counselor burnout and emotional intelligence shows a correlation that the more emotionally intelligent you are as a human being, the less likely you are to experience burnout as a school counselor.

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Did you know that?

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So we've got to be calling on all these skills, all of these approaches that we present to our students.

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It's time for us to walk that walk at the end of the school year.

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And it's so easy to not want to do that, to feel like you're too busy, you've got too much on your mind, there are too many things coming my way, but you've got to slow down and be truly mindful about where you are in the moment, who's in front of me?

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About where you are in the moment, who's in front of me, how am I helping?

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What can I learn now?

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So so important, I think too, as we seek to ask those questions, as we seek to remain mindful, it helps us really focus on what we're doing rather than just going through the execution of things, if that makes sense.

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Well, I did my small group and then I pulled this individual kid and then I ran an attendance report and then task, task, task, task, task.

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And instead of getting in that mindset which, I can tell you firsthand, will burn you out faster than anything, maybe taking a really pointed look at the execution of the tasks, our sense of fulfillment and pride in things that may be mundane, our sense of joy in seeing a student's face walk through the doors looking for us, asking for our help.

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We've got to be in tune with all of those things.

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We cannot let the hamster wheel of our brain start turning and tire us out even more than we already are.

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Right, it's the end of the school year.

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It's tough, it's tiring, but we gotta keep our mental game in check so we know that we're gonna make it through the finish line in May or June.

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So how grateful are you in your work?

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Super important to be thinking about that this time of year, intentionally cultivating white space.

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Some of you are going to swear that that is impossible.

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I think it's less impossible than you might realize.

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It doesn't need to be a lot.

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Five or 10 minutes of just white space, of just sitting and reflecting, thinking through the things that you've done so far that day, who's in front of me?

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How can I help?

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What can I learn Can do wonders for your mental game.

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Practicing gratitude is also a big one.

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If you are an avid podcast listener, you will remember my interview with one of my school counseling besties, jessica Neitsch, in episode 87.

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And she talked about how she's not really much into the mindfulness game.

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That just really doesn't resonate with her.

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But the gratitude game has been a game changer, right, and she talks about how she challenges herself, when she's had a rough day in particular, to stop and recognize three things that she's grateful for in that day, and I think that's genius.

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On the surface it sounds so simple, right, it sounds so easy, but how often do you intentionally practice that?

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How often do you sit down and think about what truly made you feel a sense of gratitude for your work?

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And I think last, maybe, working to ground ourselves a little bit in our work?

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You know, if you could ask the people that I work with, you know, if you could ask the people that I work with, some of them might tell you I'm nuts.

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It would not surprise me.

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And one of the things that I do that's really unusual is we have a mirror that hangs in our teacher workroom and, depending on which direction you're going through most of the doors as you walk in, you can see yourself in this mirror, and I've noticed a lot of people really kind of avoid looking at themselves.

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They don't like to see themselves in the middle of the day.

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You know, our hair is messy.

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We're throwing it up with a pencil or whatever.

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You know, our lipstick's been gone since 10 o'clock or whatever the case may be.

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I've noticed a lot of folks avoiding looking at themselves.

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Some people will stop and kind of touch up, you know, in the moment, and then run on to the next thing.

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I intentionally stop in front of that mirror every time I cross it and I stop for just a minute.

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I look at myself and I smile at myself.

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Just picture that in your mind a minute, because that's why I think maybe some people think I'm nuts.

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But it's not me smiling at myself, it's not me adoring myself or thinking, man, you know, I look really great today.

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None of that is happening.

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What it really is is me taking a minute to ground myself because I'm in my head so much throughout the day.

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I just need to take a minute to stop and look at myself and remember like this is who I am.

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Here is where I am in reality, and it's just a really good moment of grounding for me to be really intentional about thinking about where I am.

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What am I doing?

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Why am I here?

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That may not work for you.

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There may be something else that you need to do to keep your mind grounded.

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But whatever it is, I'm just going to challenge you to really try to find that thing, because what we don't want you doing is getting all wrapped up in your thoughts, getting all twisted and turned inside out as the end of the school year approaches and then feeling stressed, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like I can't do this, feeling like they don't want an ASCA program.

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Why am I here?

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They don't value my school counseling skills.

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I'm just a glorified registrar.

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I'm just a glorified test administrator.

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I'm just a glorified 504 coordinator, whatever it is right Junk drawer of the school.

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We hear a lot of people say that kind of stuff, but I think if you have high emotional intelligence and you're able to recognize the fact that this is just the reality for the majority of school counselors, I used to joke back when I was responsible for test coordination in 504 and people used to say don't you hate that?

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And I would say, hey, you know, I can't let myself hate it because it's really going to get me down.

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I just see it as my tax for being able to do all the awesome parts of my job.

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And I think if we shift our thinking about our challenges, about the things we feel are holding us back, all those kinds of things.

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If we really get intentional about it this time of year, I think it's only going to serve to help us.

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Whether or not we decide that our current role is right for us, whether or not we decide to move on somewhere else the next year, whatever the case may be, or whether we're staying put, it doesn't matter.

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What matters right now is keeping our mental game strong, keeping our outlook appropriate.

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Not relying on these random pictures of perfection and feeling like we failed if we haven't achieved them by the end of the year.

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Being mindful about where we are in the moment, what we're doing where we are and what we can stand to learn from this, and being grateful about where we are and what we can stand to learn from this.

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And being grateful about where we are in this moment in time.

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I'm going to challenge you to try some of those this week.

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I think it could only help to serve you well, and you know, sometimes we need a little bit of help with that kind of stuff.

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Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees right.

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We have so many things that are just smacking us in the face all day long.

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We feel like we can't take a time out and really recognize things for what they are, because we can only see the obstacles in our way.

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If that describes you, if you're having a rough time, I want to remind you and I always do in these podcast episodes our School for School Counselors, mastermind, is where you need to be.

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That's where we have support and consultation chats each and every week to talk through things just like this.

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I'm experiencing this.

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Who's been there before?

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And often in our conversations you'll hear us say things like well, I remember what you said about how your principal operates.

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Have you tried that?

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Because we've developed these relationships in our mastermind.

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We have a lot of long-term folks in there and so we get to know our specific circumstances, the nuances of our campus, all those different kinds of things that we can go back to to really create a comprehensive picture and help that person land their next steps.

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It's pretty powerful.

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So if you need someone to help you see where you are at this moment in time, to help you see the possibilities, to help you reignite your spark for school counseling, I'm going to encourage you to check out the Mastermind School for School Counselors dotcom slash mastermind.

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We have our summer book study coming up soon.

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We're in the process of determining what text we're going to use.

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It's been super fun seeing what everybody's been voting for.

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We have some huge revamps coming your way in the Mastermind as well.

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Some big changes coming out in the next couple of months that are just going to absolutely blow mind, and you're gonna wanna be there for all of that.

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And I know some of you have some end of your budget money.

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We've had a lot of folks here lately jumping into an annual membership with the last of their budget money, and that's gonna be a game changer for them for sure, and that rate is not gonna be available much longer.

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I want you to know.

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So if you wanna find out how to jump into an annual mastermind subscription for less than $200, you need to hop on the webpage and find out all about that as well.

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All right, I hope this was helpful for you.

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I hope it helps get you in the right frame of mind for the upcoming weeks ahead, as we slog through to the end of the school year.

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I promise you it's going to be great.

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You're amazing for what you choose to walk through the door and do each and every day, and I'm so grateful to have spent this time with you in this podcast episode.

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I just I really think you're all so super phenomenal.

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All right, that's all I have for you this week, but I'll be back soon with another episode of the School for School Counselors podcast.

00:21:30.798 --> 00:21:37.654
In the meantime, I hope you have the best week and until we talk again, take care.

Renewed Purpose for the Weary School Counselor

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